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Authenticity

“My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break.” William Shakespeare

What is effective communication? Ask me 20 years ago, I didn’t have a clue. As it pertains to conflict. Communication in the absence of conflict was a breeze. My nature throughout life was to avoid conflict. I was taught to use my words before going pugilistic. This served me most of my life as I experienced few conflicts. Blessing or curse? Both. Wonderful to learn how to influence relationships in a positive manner. Yet, minimal practice at difficult conversations meant missing opportunities to be authentic.

Authenticity has become a quality so necessary in today’s society. With experts rising in every arena of business it is difficult to distinguish true innovators from those who merely follow trends. At the core of the issue is a society screaming for change. Change has been a prominent topic in the US political arena for over 15 years, yet the only noticeable shift is the increasing division within the nation. Authenticity is what is missing in this message of change.

Effective communication is rooted in authenticity. It involves not just speaking your truth, but doing so in a way that is respectful, clear, and constructive. This means being honest about your feelings and intentions while also considering the perspectives and emotions of others. It’s a delicate balance that requires both self-awareness and empathy. When we communicate authentically, we build trust and develop deeper connections. Authenticity is what is needed to build real trust. It begins with being authentic with yourself.

My journey toward understanding effective communication began when I realized that avoiding conflict was not serving me or my relationships. I started to see that conflict, when approached correctly, could be an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. It wasn’t easy at first. I had to unlearn years of habits that pushed me to sidestep difficult conversations. But as I practiced, I began to see the value in facing these challenges head-on.

One of the most significant shifts came when I started to actively listen during conflicts. Instead of planning my next rebuttal while the other person was speaking, I made a conscious effort to really hear what they were saying. This not only helped me understand their perspective better but also made them feel heard and valued. Effective communication isn’t just about getting your point across; it’s about creating a dialogue where both parties feel respected and understood.

I also learned the importance of staying calm and composed. Conflict often triggers our fight-or-flight response, making it difficult to think clearly and communicate effectively. By practicing mindfulness and stress management techniques, I was able to approach conflicts with a clearer mind and a calmer demeanor. This not only helped me articulate my thoughts better but also diffused tension, making it easier to reach a resolution.

Setting boundaries became another crucial aspect of effective communication for me. I realized that part of being authentic was knowing my limits and communicating them clearly. This wasn’t about being rigid or unyielding but about protecting my well-being and ensuring that I could engage in conversations from a place of strength and clarity. Boundaries helped me navigate conflicts more effectively by creating a framework within which I could operate authentically and respectfully. This meant shifting my environment building relationships with like minded people mainly interested in the collective well being of our circle. 

Empathy played a huge role in transforming my communication style. By putting myself in the other person’s shoes, I was able to approach conflicts with more compassion and understanding. This didn’t mean that I always agreed with their perspective, but it did mean that I could acknowledge their feelings and experiences. Empathy allowed me to connect on a deeper level, making it easier to find common ground and resolve conflicts amicably.

Practicing gratitude has enhanced my communication skills. By focusing on the positive aspects of my relationships and expressing appreciation, I’ve created a more supportive and positive environment. Each person who enters my life is a gift. No matter what circumstance is offered at the moment, I now see the lesson first rather than the discomfort or challenge. This makes it easier to handle conflicts as they arise, since the foundation of mutual respect and goodwill is already established. Gratitude helps shift the focus from what’s wrong to what could be improved, presenting a more constructive approach to conflict resolution.

Over time, I began to see conflict as a natural and even necessary part of relationships. It became clear that avoiding conflict only led to unresolved issues and lingering resentment impairing growth opportunities. Embracing conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning allowed me to approach it with a more open and positive mindset. This shift in perspective transformed my relationships, making them more resilient and authentic. Yet, it all began with being truly authentic within. 

Being present in the moment means putting away the judgment hat. Which internally meant using this brain network judiciously for error correction only. As a recovering self-chastiser, I had to add an element of grace to my approach. Constantly utilizing negative self-talk as a source of motivation, I had created an inner environment that was harsh and unforgiving. This self-critical mindset not only hindered my growth but also made it difficult to fully engage with the present moment. By replacing judgment with self-compassion and understanding, I began to foster a more supportive and nurturing internal dialogue. This shift allowed me to be more present, embrace my imperfections, and approach life with a kinder, more forgiving mindset.

Authenticity begins by settling the inner dialogue. This inner clarity allows us to understand our own emotions and motivations, making it easier to empathize with others. By being true to ourselves, we can communicate our thoughts and feelings more openly and genuinely. Understanding our inner dialogue helps us approach others with empathy and clarity, paving the way for meaningful and constructive communication.

Ultimately, effective communication is about more than just words. It’s about connecting with others on a deeper level, understanding their needs and perspectives, and finding ways to work together towards common goals. As I continue to grow and learn, I’m constantly reminded that the journey towards effective communication is ongoing. Each conversation is an opportunity to practice, learn, and improve, bringing me closer to the true essence of authenticity.

Alex
July 29, 2024
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