“If desire causes suffering, it may be because we do not desire wisely, or that we are inexpert at obtaining what we desire. Instead of hiding our heads in a prayer cloth and building walls against temptation, why not get better at fulfilling desire?” Tony Robbins
There was a time in human evolution where desire meant survival. The desire to find food, water, shelter, safety and reproduction. Even then, desire came at the cost of suffering. One must suffer to obtain what is desired. Whether physical, mental or emotional, a price is paid to get what we want. If this is an agreed-upon point, then why is suffering avoided in life? Perhaps the issue with desire has nothing to do with suffering.
Enter the paradox of choice. In our modern world, the abundance of options can paralyze us. We are overwhelmed by the multitude of paths we can take to fulfill our desires. This abundance creates a unique kind of suffering, decision fatigue. Each choice carries an opportunity cost, and the fear of making the wrong choice can be paralyzing. It’s not just about fulfilling desire anymore; it’s about navigating a maze of options without losing our way.
The key to navigating this labyrinth lies in aligning our desires with our core values and purpose. When our desires are in harmony with who we truly are, the path to fulfillment becomes clearer. This alignment reduces the noise of unnecessary options and focuses our energy on what truly matters. This is why we focus on character development as part of our process. It’s a process of refining our desires, stripping away the superficial wants that lead to fleeting satisfaction, and focusing on the more meaningful aspirations that bring lasting fulfillment. We will call these true desires rather than instinctual desires.
This process is not without its challenges. It requires introspection and self-awareness. We must pause and reflect on what we truly want, beyond the immediate gratification and external validation. This introspection is a form of suffering in itself, as it involves confronting our fears, insecurities, and the possibility that we have been chasing the wrong desires. Yet this suffering is a necessary part of growth and transformation. A suffering worth experiencing.
Once we have identified our true desires, the next step is to develop the skills and mindset needed to achieve them. This is where the journey diverges from simply wishing for something to actively working towards it. It involves setting realistic goals, developing resilience, and embracing the inevitable setbacks and failures along the way. The pursuit of true desires demands discipline, patience, and a willingness to learn and adapt.
This journey is deeply intertwined with our mental and emotional health. The more aligned our desires are with our character skills, the less we are driven by external pressures and the more we can pursue a sense of inner peace and contentment. This alignment reduces the mental clutter and anxiety that often accompany the pursuit of superficial desires. It allows us to focus our mental energy on what truly brings us joy and fulfillment.
In terms of physical health, the pursuit of true desires often leads to healthier lifestyle choices. When our goals are aligned with our overall well-being, we are more likely to engage in activities that support our physical health. This might include regular exercise, proper breathing, balanced nutrition, and adequate rest. The body thrives when it is in harmony with the mind and spirit, creating a holistic sense of well-being.
Spiritually, the pursuit of true desires is a journey towards self-actualization. It is about becoming the best version of ourselves and living a life that is true to our deepest values and purpose. This spiritual journey is not about achieving perfection, but about embracing our imperfections and striving for continuous growth and improvement. It is about finding meaning and purpose in our lives and using our desires as a guide towards our highest potential.
The pursuit of true desires also enhances our relationships. When we are aligned with our character skills, we are more authentic in our interactions with others. This authenticity creates deeper connections and more meaningful relationships. We are less likely to engage in superficial or toxic relationships that drain our energy and more likely to build supportive and nurturing connections that enhance our well-being and the collective well-being of our world.
As we become more adept at fulfilling our true desires, we also become more resilient in the face of adversity. The inevitable challenges and setbacks become opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to be feared. We develop a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity, seeing each experience as a valuable lesson on our journey towards fulfillment.
Ultimately, the pursuit of true desires leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. It transforms suffering into a catalyst for growth and empowers us to live authentically and purposefully. By aligning our desires with our core values and purpose, we navigate the paradox of choice with clarity and confidence, creating a life that is rich in meaning and joy.
So, let us not shy away from desire or the suffering it may entail. Instead, let us embrace the journey of refining our desires, aligning them with our true selves, and cultivating the skills and mindset needed to fulfill them. In doing so, we transform suffering into a pathway to growth and fulfillment, living a life that is truly worth living.