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Paradox Found

Life is strong and fragile. It’s a paradox… It’s both things, like quantum physics: It’s a particle and a wave at the same time. It all exists all together. – Joan Jett

The answer is in the paradox. How could it be, the answer is always right there. They say if you get too close to the sun you can’t appreciate its beauty as a star. Sometimes things are so obvious they are hard to believe. Lao Tzu wrote a book about the middle way. A place of serenity and peace which can only be obtained when we achieve balance between the paradoxes of life.

Let’s start with the word paradox. Paradox is defined as a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement. Take, for example, the following paradox. The more you fail, the more likely you are to succeed. No one likes to fail yet we all know facing failure is the way to success. Edison tried well over 1,000 prototypes before getting the lightbulb right. Michael Jordan got cut from his high school team. Success comes from improvement and improvement comes from failure. There’s no shortcut around it.

Consider the emotional paradoxes or extremes. Happiness versus sadness. Joy versus sorrow. Peace versus anger. Calm versus vigilant. Next consider the feelings. Humility versus pride. Forgiveness versus wrath. Admiration versus envy and lastly Generosity versus Greed. I use these to illustrate the extremes of life. The outside edges of our existence. That is different for all of us. Hence, our uniqueness despite being 99.9% genetically identical. Mathematically, all humans are identical. It’s that 0.01% that gives us each the thread of uniqueness.

Our uniqueness lies in our life experience. Our story. Each of us has one. Some of it in darkness yet most of it in the light. Negativity bias is a common lens used by humans to view the world given the abundance of negative inputs streaming into awareness. We tend to over characterize the negative parts of our story. It is a safety thing. Whatever we determine to be unsafe at the time of occurrence is marked by the brain as an unwanted experience. Now there’s a catch. The earlier the age the greater the influence on a process known as neuroplasticity. Consider neuroplasticity as the brain’s book keeper of experience. The greater the unwanted experience the greater the mark left behind on the nervous system. This record keeper uses emotions as the glue to hold the experience as a memory helping us to avoid similar events.

Neuroplasticity is a brain process where chemicals are released in order to adapt to any habit we choose. It is a way of creating efficiencies in the nervous system to manage energy in the body. Each time we perform an action consistently neuroplasticity is in action. First, the chemical release marks the thought process, action or behavior. Then, begins the reorganization of nerve terminals physically connecting new byways while allowing old byways to slowly be pruned away shifting resources to the new action or chosen behavior. Finally, the functional pattern change and habit efficiency improves, meaning the signal for the thought process, action or behavior is traveling faster due to a substance called myelin.

Myelin is a fatty insulator of electrical signaling. With each repetition of whatever thought pattern your attention is consumed by, action that dominates your day, or behavior you continue to repeat, myelin is there to support you in being better at the thought process, action or behavior. Here’s a critical matter to consider. What if the action is one that causes you harm or harm to others? I will refer to harm as physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. For a while in my life I practiced anger.

At first, shifting this set of programmed behaviors was quite challenging. Yet, starting with the minor annoyances, I found that by not getting upset it became easier to find peace in challenging moments. I now choose to practice being calm, emotionally regulated. In reflection, anger poisoned my body. Adrenaline constantly caused my blood vessels to constrict, robbing non-vital tissues and organs of valuable nutrients. Typically, the skin surface is sacrificed first, hence the aging concerns of the skin. That’s another blog post altogether.

Back to the paradox of life. It was through awareness that I was able to bring about a change from anger reactions to calm responses. Learning to focus my attention on change, I was able to find my middle way between anger and calmness. It was only through the consistent practice of remaining calm when frustration or anger occurred that I was able to find this peaceful place. The answer was so simple. Yet, not easy. This is why most of us struggle with emotional regulation. It is truly a paradox. Neuroscience has shed light on why this is true in human behavior through the discovery of neuroplasticity. The nervous records behavior and what we practice most becomes the most efficient reaction or response. 

My approach now is to take inventory of my habits. Habits can present themselves as actions, thought processes, or behaviors. By approaching habit change from a holistic view, I have learned to balance the chosen habits between the three major pillars: body, mind, and spirit. In other words, physical actions must match mental models of actions reflecting my deepest virtues and values. Then ensure that my actions serve a purpose greater than me, bringing balance to this trilogy, the whole me. I urge you to consider an area of life needing rethinking.

If you are needing more balance, take inventory of your habits. If you are needing a purpose because you are feeling lost, work on your health. By doing so, you are casting votes for a future you. A healthier you is a greater you, would you agree? If so, then this future version can serve as something greater than you today. Find the paradoxes in your life. Need to lose weight, be mindful of your eating habits. Need to feel more rested, be mindful of your sleep habits. Need to feel more emotionally balanced, be mindful of your reactivity. Discover your points of discomfort in life and work out a plan to build self-belief on your path to your very own personal legend.

Use the power of consistency as you fuel the change through neuroplasticity. Allow yourself to expand into the best possible version of you. Rest assured, as the sun rises and sets every day, you too can develop a roadmap with milestones to guide you on your journey.

Alex
June 26, 2024
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