“I spend many months in apparently listless rumination out of which I hope something will emerge.” – Daniel Day-Lewis
Are your thoughts on repeat? For many of us, not existing in flow, this is a known scientific fact. Scientists have determined that 95% of our thoughts are recycled from the previous day. Now the exact number may vary, yet it is safe to say the majority of our thoughts are recycled day to day. The idea that “95% of our thoughts today are the same as those we had yesterday” comes from the concept that much of our daily thinking and behavior is habitual and driven by subconscious patterns.
Yet, the feature of awareness can be used to amplify the parts of us we are not content with in order to promote change whenever necessary. Perhaps, that is simply 5-10% of thinking that allows us the freedom of choice. Choice to remain the same or shift towards a north star using our free will. There are a multitude of ways to live life. You can choose your way using this conscious action of will. Maybe, that is why it is referred to as will power. We each possess the power of change. At the drop of a hat we can shift our course towards a destiny unknown. Make sense?
With the mental health crisis on the rise a term is becoming more common. Cognitive dissonance is defined as the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. Simply stated this refers to the mental discomfort or tension that arises when a person holds two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes simultaneously. An example would be ‘a human wants to be healthy, but doesn’t exercise regularly or eat a nutritious diet.’ That human may feel guilty as a result. That guilt likely will drive unhealthy behaviors, yet guilt is a topic of tomorrow’s blog. Back to our regularly scheduled program.
The information age has brought about many “revelations” yet it has also muddied the mental waters. Trust is at an all-time low given all of the conflicting information shared these days. Polarization has become the new standard of relating in society. With all the good that has come with the information age, we have also encountered the greatest separation experienced as a species. So many conflicting viewpoints, it’s no wonder we struggle to establish a course of direction with our thinking capacity. That 5-10% ability is so confused it can’t alter the 95% of recycled thoughts. How is this impacting human ingenuity?
Human ingenuity is the ability to think creatively, originally, and cleverly, and to use that thinking to solve problems or invent new things. We are a culture of followers looking for guidance in this world moving at a frantic pace. Seeking connection in any and every possible way. Whether it is to a gender identity, political affiliation, race, ethnicity, religion, medical condition, sports team and insert any other of the thousands of labels available. Each of us simply wants to belong. Connect to something greater than ourselves. Paradoxically, we also want to honor the unique experience of being ourselves. What to do?
Take a deep breath with me now. Settle in as I share my mind with you. Labels have produced much of the hate with experience in life, yet much of the love we experience, too. Labels themselves are not the issue. They exist to express the human need for individuality. The need for freedom of choice reflects our desire for autonomy, self-expression, and control over our own lives, which allows us to pursue personal goals and meaning. It is the comfort of control as an individual that we seek here in an ever changing world. Here is where change causes friction. Uncertainty produces discomfort. Labels provide grounding for individual expression and perceived safety.
The paradox of belonging to something greater is what allowed us to survive as a species. Coming together was the only way! The gift of oxytocin, the love hormone, brought us together in community to fend off a perilous world. Well, for our ancestors who were the true “survivors.” In modern times, the need to belong drives us to conform, seek approval, and align with group norms, as social connections and acceptance are vital for survival and emotional well-being. All done for a dose of that love hormone. Oxytocin is associated with the inner feelings of contentment, trust, relaxation, reduced stress and anxiety and pain relief. All of these benefits from feeling a sense of belonging.
The tension between the need to belong and the desire for freedom of choice is a fundamental aspect of the human experience. On one hand, we yearn to be part of something larger than ourselves—a tribe, a community, a cause. This connection provides us with a sense of identity, security, and shared purpose. It fulfills our deep-seated need for social bonds, which are crucial for our emotional well-being and survival. Yet, on the other hand, we also crave autonomy and the freedom to chart our own course. The ability to make our own choices, express our individuality, and pursue personal goals is central to our sense of self and fulfillment.
In this delicate balance, the role of leaders becomes pivotal. Just as journeymen of the past traveled from village to village, sharing their knowledge, experiences, and stories, modern leaders must act as guides, bridging the gap between individuality and collective belonging. They must recognize the unique strengths and perspectives of each individual while fostering a sense of unity and shared purpose within the tribe. By doing so, they can help us navigate the complexities of the modern world, where the rapid pace of change often leaves us feeling disconnected and disoriented.
As we move forward in this new era, the concept of tribes must evolve. We need to create communities that honor both the collective and the individual. Tribes that are not just about conformity but also about celebrating diversity and encouraging personal growth. These modern tribes should be spaces where people can come together to share their experiences, challenges, and insights, supporting one another on their journeys while also respecting each person’s unique path. In such a tribe, leaders serve not as authoritarian figures but as facilitators, helping to cultivate an environment where everyone can thrive.
Ultimately, the key to thriving in this new way of being is to embrace the paradox of belonging and individuality. By finding a tribe that resonates with our values and aspirations, we can experience the deep sense of connection and support that comes from being part of something greater. At the same time, by nurturing our own individuality and making conscious choices that align with our true selves, we can maintain the freedom and autonomy that are essential for our personal growth and fulfillment. In this way, we can create a world where both belonging and freedom coexist harmoniously, allowing us to live more meaningful and fulfilling lives.