Your Attention Please, won’t need it for long. Few minutes or so depending on how fast you read. Remember this is not a race…finish line is the same for all of us. The journey, ah yes, a very popular statement being used these days. Rightfully so, it is the journey that brings color to the canvas of our lives. Two years ago, this time I was nursing wounds following a hospitalization. Not the finest time of my journey, yet who knows because the story did not end then.
The flow of life can present itself in so many ways. One moment you are suffering through a challenging time, the next you are experiencing a love too great to contain. Emotions allow us to experience life with greater depth, however emotions can also be overwhelming at times steering us away from our intended path. As my memory serves me, two years ago I was suffering through the darkest depression I had ever experienced, yet now I am riding the clouds of bliss most days.
How can this be? Almost as if life was a sine wave. Which brings me to the topic of energy. Energy is everything and everything is energy. The physical world is governed by the laws of physics. Einstein said, “Energy can not be created nor destroyed, it can only transfer from one form to another.” From the dawn of time a collaborative exchange of energy has existed among the stars. Moving from the non visual spectrum into material existence and back again.
The basic elements that make up the Earth and all of its inhabitants, including us humans, all came from the bursting of stars. Spun into existence, we all share in the matter of energy. Gravity being the centrifuge of life spinning us into material form. All that we see around us is a product of this phenomenon. What amazing order amidst chaos. Energy in motion spinning everything to life. How exactly does this relate to emotions?
Emotions serve as a vehicle to transfer energy. Energy in motion. Through the richness of experience, we come to understand the impressive use of this internal system of expression. Emotions can be used in a variety of ways. From pushing people away to bringing them closer together, emotions have served such a great purpose throughout creation. A bridge between two people can be built solely on emotions. Yet, emotions can also isolate us away from one another like magnetic poles. Truly the double edge of a sword we all possess.
Two years ago today, I sat on my back porch watching the winds move the leaves in my backyard contemplating what remained of me. Depression is not just a state of being but a verb. Depressing is the act of suffering from the prolonged action of being sad. Burnout had led me to this point as I tried to do too much in too many directions with an environment not conducive to my health. Although blame was a popular thought at the time, I realized it would not help me to move away from this desolate place. You see my internal energy system was the lowest it had ever been. I simply was unable to push the motivation button.
A few years before that moment, I had read about a study on mice regarding motivation. Two groups were placed in two different enclosures. One group had an inactivation of tyrosine hydroxylase, the enzyme responsible for converting the amino acid tyrosine to dopamine, while the other group had normal functioning. Turns out that without dopamine the mice did not have the motivation to consume food or water. The basic survival needs are not met as a result of the absence of a molecule. Amazingly, these mice would simply just lie around. Even when they were moved right next to the food and water sources, these mice did not consume.
Before reading this study, I thought the survival instinct was the strongest human instinct. As it turns out, anyone who has suffered from depression can explain this phenomenon. There is simply no desire to move at times. Now here’s where I learned depressing can be a verb and not simply a state of mind. Recovering would be the opposite verb. As I sat contemplating my energy, I realized I needed to change the habits that had gotten me to this point. An identity shift in its purest form.
I began to examine my habits. A scorecard determined the effectiveness of the habits that I had been performing to that moment. With great ease I could drift off into ruminant thought about all the negative events that had led me to this lonely place, yet deep within I knew the futility of this exercise. Rather than focus on blaming those around me, I looked within. What had I chosen to accept into my life? How had I contributed to these circumstances that led me to this place in time?
The peace and quiet of my back porch helped me in this process. Away from distractions I could focus on designing the roadmap that would take me away from this place. Next, it was time for action. Effective habits towards a new found purpose of finding health again took hold. At the time all I wanted was health. I reconciled the work that I had to do by reminding myself of the feeling I would possess once I had arrived at my desired destination. A transformation was taking place. Loneliness gave way to solitude as I began to enjoy my time alone.
Setting aside any forms of immediate gratification, one step led to the next. Before long, my wounds were healed and it was time to start the physical reconditioning process. As I reflect back now, I realize love was at the center of it all. I joined a local yoga studio and immersed myself. Learning to love myself through it all taught me the intrinsic value of the greatest love of all; self-love. A faith-filled love for the being I would become.
Days turned to months as my practice strengthened. Strength and flexibility allowed me to learn to move my body in ways I hadn’t before. There was a mystical feeling that accompanied the progression of my practice. What once was a series of course movements began to evolve into a finer dance with the air surrounding me. I began to love movement like never before. At the center of it all was the breath. Allowing it to flow like water through my body it nourished me to my core moving me into the current state of stability through steadiness and ease.
Health is all about balance. It’s about balancing all of the compartments of our identity and the many roles we each play in life. It is about balancing our inner and outer worlds. It is about finding balance in our thoughts, emotions and feelings. It is about understanding that challenges will present themselves yet if self love exists then growth is the only actionable option. Hence, the greatest energetic return on investment is to love oneself wholly. Accepting the flow of life without resistance learning to dance with joy and gratitude. Loving every aspect of your being.
Each piece of you represents an experience that can serve as a learning tool for you and others. It is in this energy transfer that I focus on now most. Being in service to others has allowed me to learn and grow in exponential ways sharing the knowledge and experience I have acquired over the past 50 years. Depressing to recovering to striving to thriving, who knows where this road will take me next. What I do know is that the flow of life happens and my sole responsibility is to respond by being the best possible version of me. What does energy exchange look like in your life? Are you collaborating with others in healthy ways? Do you need help navigating through challenges? I am here if you need me. You are never alone.
